What is Polyamory?

On a long night like tonight, where I haven't blogged in a while and don't feel like sleeping, I take on tasks such as this. Today, I will attempt to explain what Polyamory is, what it feels like, and most of all, what it means to me... The closed minded need not apply.

 At it's heart, polyamory, isn't about sex, and it isn't an excuse to be a slut. It's not a quick fix to a cheater in the relationship, and it's most certainly not an excuse to be with someone while still having a backup plan for some "maybe laters" if the relationship doesn't work out. To me, polyamory brings back warm memories of a romance so pure and innocent, but passionate and loving that it worked. It was about loving each other, and it was about being together and supporting each other, making each other feel good, and tag teaming the other when they felt shitty. It meant that we all loved each other, and couldn't see a relationship without the others, that we really needed each other. Maybe it was a little codependent, but to this day, it was the best relationship that I ever had, even if it did end badly.


Polyamory is not about sex, at least not purely. Polyamory is about loving each other equally, and being in love with each other in such a way that you couldn't really see a relationship with one without the other-- like peanut butter and jelly.


Polyamory is not about being kinky. Now don't get me wrong, it can be kinky as hell, when the time is right, but it should never be purely about "being kinky." If you are only in for it for the sex, that's not polyamory, that's a threesome.


Polyamory is not a "quick fix" to relationship cheating issues. If someone is cheating on you, you should probably leave them. They're not invested in the relationship anymore. If you both happen to be in love with an additional person, that's more like polyamory. Don't go trying to make yourself fall in love with someone else in order to make a relationship last a little longer.


I personally have no idea what's so wrong about having more than one wife or husband, as long as they're all okay with the situation. No brainwashers please.


I doubt that this makes sense anymore, and I highly doubt that anyone is going to be reading this anytime soon anyways. I think I'll end it here.  ...Read more...

I got bored...

and then I realized that I had not posted in a while. And then I decided to learn how to make cut tags. Like these!  

Look! More post was hidden from you. I am obviously quite deceptive. Sneaky and deceptive. Alas, I must go do some homework on materials science... so I will leave you this!

 

... no I do not know why they are bathing their ferrets with a kid. (Source)

...Read more...

Maybe we're all a little self destructive.

Maybe, just maybe.

Does it ever occur to anyone that they have unrealistic expectations of themselves. Just days where you wake up and feel too tired of life to keep going on, pushing forward into an inescapable pit of failure? Perhaps I do, maybe I feel like I need to be the best, doing as much as possible so that I can make everyone happy... That's all I really want.

4 years is not enough for college.  Though, I'll probably say differently when I'm ready to graduate. I want to be able to enjoy the downtime, while getting all the degrees I want.

Pharmaceutical Sciences... Materials Science... Chemical Engineering with concentrations in Nanotechnology and Biomolecular... and a minor in Biotechnology... and the University Honors Program.

Maybe it's a lot. Maybe I don't have to do all of these things. But I feel like I need to.

Maybe I'm a little self destructive. I want to take on everything, I want to be the best I can be... I want to make people happy. But even if I could do all of this, I feel like I still wouldn't feel like I had done anything at all. I wouldn't feel fulfilled, because I love to put myself through hell.

As silly as it sounds, I love being up at all hours. It's a badge of honor for me to know that if I need to I can stay up for four days straight on only 40 minutes of sleep. I love the feel of caffeine rushing through my body, making me feel like more of a human being, more alive. The burn of the carbonation as I chug it and the gentle gnaw of my stomach when I haven't eaten. I like feeling like I'm doing something, like I am legitimately achieving something... like I am worth something.

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm the only one. I doubt that I am, when I watch my friends keep themselves up to study for tests relentlessly, getting blissfully drunk, or working themselves to exhaustion so that they don't have to think. 

I'm not going to lie. I've been self destructive, I've cut, and I've starved, and I've thrived on punishing myself for imperfections. And on some level, I suppose that those habits never really go away. You'll always find new ways to torture yourself if you want to. In ways less obvious than bleeding all over the place.

I look at this morning, and feel the buzz of caffeine in my body, contrasting the lethargic silence of a Sunday and I feel no regret. I look at my life and what I put myself through, while I feel like shit doing it all, and I realize everyone has their own self destruction. The habits of old never really go away.

 ...and I don't think I want them to.

I'm not sorry.
...Read more...

Pottermore Day 4 Magical Quill Answer

Because I remembered to check in on it before it closed today.

Here's the question: How many students take part in the Triwizard Tournament during Harry's fourth year?
Multiply this number by 28.

And here's the answer: 4*28=112
Ergo: http://quill.pottermore.com/112

I must confess though, that these clues are not as difficult as I had hoped. I didn't even need to crack the book for that one.


Good luck! ...Read more...

The Rollercoaster of Emotions that comes with Page Views

I should not be allowed to see how many page views I have, mostly because I get excited at every single view I get, though logically I know that the people who come here may or may not be reading the things that live here.  I got excited this morning because I saw that I got to 39 views, but really, I only got that high because I put in a Technorati blog claim and it was the claimer. And that was quite sad really, because I'd like to believe that I actually do stuff on here that people like to read. Well enough of that whining.

In other news I have been reading a lot of books lately, perhaps in a last ditch attempt to claim back my brain before I have to go back to school at large. I would like to comment on two things. Lately I have found that Young Adult novels have better plots that Adult Fiction, and also, everyone should read something of Scott Westerfeld-- because he's brilliant. To me at least. Thirdly-- Malice by Chris Woodling is a pretty cool book.

I'm currently reading Unicorns vs. Zombies, which turns out to be not as bad as I feared. So pretty good all in all.

Perhaps I'll write more later.
じゃ！ ...Read more...

Technorati Confirmation Code

3GWHUHN9C9RZ

I wonder if this works... I also hope that we can change the tags, because I want to have more tags than "Humanities Bullshit." Damn you overactive enter key finger!  ...Read more...

Day 2 of the Magical Quill Pottermore Early Beta

The question:

What is the number of the chapter in which Professor McGonagall cancels the Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff?
Multiply this number by 42.

The answer: 14*42=588

The link: http://quill.pottermore.com/588

Good luck! ...Read more...

Just goes to Show that Jo is Listening (Answer to Day 1)

Oh my Rowling! I got in!

Pottermore early registration

And if you don't trust that link:
quill.pottermore.com/245

Thanks goes to my best friend who lives here on internet land: here.

The question was:
How many breeds of owl are featured on the Eeylops Owl Emporium sign?
Multiply this number by 49.

The answer is 245.

Best of luck. ...Read more...

Pottermore, once again luring a generation into allnighters.

Pottermore...

Oh Jo, you have once again managed to keep up a generation of Potter fans, all of us waiting eagerly for the Magic Quill to reveal to us the clue that may allow us entrance into the magical world of your creation. 

For those who don't know, Pottermore is an interactive "Hogwarts" game that allows us to explore the world of HP. And as cheesy as that sounds, every fan has always wanted that little piece of Hogwarts. I know I do, the child in me still waiting for that Hogwarts letter to whisk me away into a world of magic. You get to be sorted by the mind of the Potter universe herself, the quiz that you take designed by Jo.  You get to explore the common rooms, and learn new tidbits about the wizarding world. It's going to be magical, and I trust JK not to disappoint. 

As I sit and obsessively refresh the Pottermore page and watch the Mugglenet comment section fill up with people freaking out over the Magic Quill clue not showing up yet, I realize just how ensnared we have all become by this fandom. I will admit to being a die hard Potterhead, I watched the midnight showing of Deathly Hallows Parts 1 and 2, and while I could never go to one of the midnight book release parties (I was too young, and my parents too unwilling to go with me), I was always there at the library bright and early when they opened, waiting to rush and check it out to read it. I remember getting so desperate that I rented the 5th book from the library, and bought the 7th one. Harry Potter has been a staple of my childhood, and my one true fandom, and even as I grow up it holds a special piece of my heart-- the one that wants to frolic in the seas of imagination and be a writer, go to a magical school... play quidditch.  

Wizard rock, knitters making memorabilia, fanfiction... the good and the bad (*cough* My Immortal). So many things have sprung form your creation. So I wanted to thank you. For the memories of midnight showings, the companionship of waiting for the next release, and the fond memories of playing the My Immortal Drinking Game.

You've gotten us again Jo, and we're all staying up for you. 

If I get the magic quill clue, I'll of course divulge it here-- for the nonexistent of my readers. 

じゃ！

-A Potterhead Waiting for More. 

Associated Links: 

Mugglenet

Pottermore

PS. The new Draft Blogger Dashboard is pretty awesome, though it does format my posts differently. >.<;; 

...Read more...

It's all love...

So why do people judge so much?

Disclaimer: As this was written over the course of quite a few days, I cannot guarantee that it will flow as well as it could, though I did my best to make sure that it least made sense! >.<;;

Today as I watched the news, and saw the lines and lines of people going to get married in New York because of their legalization of gay marriage, I wondered why people make judgements about people who are just in love. I dream of the day that everyone can get married; gay, straight, bisexual, polyamorous... it wouldn't matter, because we'd realize as a population that all that matters in a relationship between people is love.

It's not right to deny people their right to be recognized by their government as together just because the government seems to rule by standards set by the Bible, regardless of what they say about religion and state being completely separate.

Though, government aside, I don't understand why most people aren't tolerant of other peoples' sexualities and beliefs. It's not hurting you, and it's certainly none of your business what they do in their bedrooms. If it's love, it's love-- not depravity, and not anything unholy. Regular relationships can be more depraved than those of homosexuals or that of polyamorous couples.

And as I write, I realize that really, I want that to be the next legalization that happens, after everyone accepts homosexual marriages. Poly relationships are really not any different than other "regular" relationships when it comes down to it-- love, support, and the willingness to be there for each other through thick and thin. And there are those that would call it impure, even though, really, a relationship is a relationship.

I was lucky enough to go to a very  liberal high school, where for the most part no one really cared what or who you did, as long as it wasn't hurting anyone-- and for that I'm grateful. It is really tragic when I hear reports on the news of people being persecuted because of their sexuality, and even worse when I hear reports where the person in question has taken their own life. Any loss of life is a tragedy, and for something so preventable-- so very able to be stopped if everyone minded their own business, or even better, were tolerant of all other practices and beliefs.

So think a little, be more tolerant, and maybe everyone can be a hero through prevention. ...Read more...

On occasion, I feel incredibly isolated.

It's nights where everything is too quiet, but you're not sleepy yet. Times where you run out of things on the internet to check out, when your thoughts start to creep up on you. Sometimes on nights like this, I realize just how few people I really talk to lately, despite the fact that they are my friends. Then I think about how, if this is growing up, growing apart, then I don't really want to do it.

Sometimes on nights like this, I like to try and picture our futures. Most of the time I can't. I can't see myself having a steady job, and a house and a family. Can't see myself in the normal roles of adulthood. And it throws me off sometimes. Because if everyone ends up where they aim to go, my friends would be running programming firms, or working in bio labs and partying the nights away in fabulous gay clubs, or maybe writing books and being a literary editor. My best friends would be writing books or maybe fashion articles, and living in Spain or Paris, crafting the days away and living as a criminal profiler, and maybe I'd be working in a lab with dyed hair, discovering things about nanotechnology. Exes would be professional gamers and world renowned bowlers. And no one would have to worry about money, ever because that's what happens in cotton candy perfect fantasy worlds right?

The future is always incredibly up in the air, and what you make of it and all that rot, but what does it have in store really? Will I live near the people I love, maybe close enough to my best friends that we can have each other over for drinks when life gets to be too much? Maybe. I'd like to think that anyway. It would be wicked if we could, because I don't think I can handle the thought of a future where I'm incredibly isolated from everyone, friendships falling away from me one at a time because I didn't take the time to maintain them.

I hope I'm not the only one who feels lost when it comes to the future. ...Read more...

Reading Too Deeply into Rebecca Black's Friday

I am a lazy butt. I know that, and I'm sorry. But here it is... Finally. And as the video has been taken down, I am unable to reference anything but the lyrics. Here we go...

This song at its heart is about the constraints and expectations thrust upon every member of society. Rebecca sings "7am, waking up in the morning, Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs, Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal," commenting on not only the regimental and strict schedule that all members of society are forced to endure once old enough to go to school until the time that they retire, but also the strictness of this routine.

>>7am waking up in the morning

The even hour is as good as saying 7:00 sharp, and the manner that she wakes up and immediately begins to sing creates the illusion of the automated person, someone who has no will or choice.

>>Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs

She then goes on to list the requirements of her state of being- she has to be fresh, as do we all, for sloppiness in dress and other such manners give the impression of a vagabond.


>>Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal


Commercialism, plain and simple.

>>Seein’ everything, the time is goin’
>>Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’



She now transcends her restrictive routine, "seeing everything." In the background, everyone is rushing, no time to notice the things around them, no time to relax, no time to stop and consider what they are doing-- just sticking to a regimented schedule, day after day.

>>Gotta get down to the bus stop
>>Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)

 More things that she is forced to do, more expectations to uphold. Things that must be done.

>>Kickin’ in the front seat
>>Sittin’ in the back seat
>>Gotta make my mind up
>>Which seat can I take?

Here, the first thing that you will notice when watching the video is the futility of the question. There is only a backseat seat left, sitting in the front would lead to her sitting on the dashboard or other such thing. It is a metaphor for the duties that we all are pushed into due to expectations and social limitations. Which seat to take is as poignant a question as whether or not one should try to help someone in need, or whether to go to college. It is a fight between expectations and limitations.

In the chorus, Friday is the light at the end of the tunnel of futility, or is it? Everyone is looking forward to the weekend because it is an escape from the mundane routine of life, but on another level this desire is also expected, programmed, and the partying is again a simulacrum of life. Fun fun fun? I think not.

I'm going to quit while I'm behind considering how ridiculous this is. And late. *shrug*

Thanks for reading if you did. And sorry for making your brain hurt from the awful of the post. >.< ...Read more...

Feeling Inspired, Coming soon!

As I was browsing the forums on Gaia Online during the Piehard event, I ran across a thread that talked about the true meaning of Friday by Rebecca Black. And my true meaning, I mean trololololol. After posting the requisite "It's Pie Day, Pie Day, gotta get down on Pie Day" in honor of the event, I was inspired to write a post.

Coming soon on Reading Too Deeply into Everything, Reading too Deeply into Friday!

Source

...Read more...

I have really been far as...

I was reminded of this today. If you don't know what this is then... this should give you a background.

Know your meme is such a fun website, though I am disappointed that they sold themselves off to the icanhazcheeseburger Network.

Anyone who has been on the internet for any significant amount of time will probably run across lolcats, or cute image macros that contain cats and bad grammar. >.<

You know, like this:

That's all for now. Memes are fun.
...Read more...

24 Hours in Analysis

I have been meaning to do this for a while. For the next 24 hours, I intend to write one characteristic that strikes me during the hour, or other such notions or ideas. I will come back and edit this periodically as time passes until I have finished, or fallen asleep...

12 A.M and all is silent... Midnight has just come, bringing with it the end of the last day, and the beginning of a new one.

1 A.M. and my mind begins to wander as I surf the internet in search of new inspiration to shake away the fear of my own mortality.

2 A.M. and I have been roped into writing an erotic slashfic about two of my friends by my other friends, and I have remembered that I need to finish the silly shoujo manga that I was going to write based on a picture taken of another friend. I guess I found my inspiration.  *shrug*

...So I fell asleep. I have now learned that I should probably do it in 24 consecutive hours after I have woken up instead of in 24 hours after the initial 24 hours of being awake. >.> ...Read more...

It's raining here today...

And as cliche as it sounds, I love watching and listening to it. The calming and cleansing aspects of rain feed nature and helps everything grow. As I listen to the tappity tap tap of the rain, memories abound.

As sad as it sounds, most of my greatest memories were at my boarding high school, splashing in puddles and having a brilliant time, just strolling through the rain, not caring what anyone thought of us. The rain makes me remember sad times, of a fresh breakup between myself and my two loves, and memories of just sitting in bed, reading a book before exams with my window open during second trimester.  Sometimes I think I obsess over my high school too much, but then I think of all that it has given me, and all that it put me through and I still smile, which means that it was worth it, yeah?

Rain makes me remember the time I frolicked in a torrential downpour, then came back in soaking wet and had to wear a bright yellow skirt (that was so bright it reflected the sun, mind you). It reminds me of the time that I discovered that on a cold rainy day, the heat your body makes from running though puddles will make your body smoke (mostly around your crotch, which makes it even more hilarious). And it reminds me that I ran through the rain and splashed in puddles with Sarah Brodmerkel, a girl who died far too young, and whose smile lit up rooms. A girl who gave me bandaids when I had cut myself, and who laughed with me as we hopped and jumped away a rainy extended returning day.

<3 ...Read more...

I love Alice in Wonderland...

That is all. I'll leave this here:

Source ...Read more...

Musings on Beauty and the Status Quo

Everyone has a different view and standard of beauty. Some people think that the traditional look is the most beautiful, some go for alternative, some for beauty of the mind, some for beauty of body, but it varies from person to person. What one would term a freak, another would consider beautiful.

What is beautiful to me is color, a colorfulness about a person's soul and personality that cannot be stopped. A sense of adventure, a sense of when to just enjoy the moment. The ability to roll in the grass and be carefree, but still be serious when they need to be. Uniqueness is beauty. If everyone were the same, then it would be such a boring existence.

That's why it is so disappointing to me that people won't accept each other as they are and try not to judge them. Like the old saying goes, you should never judge a book by its cover. Stereotypes are tiring and hide the person beneath the outer shell.

I dye my hair so I must crave attention. I bite my thumb at thee, ye who dare judge me by the blue in my hair. My perception of beauty is different from yours, my self expression in my hair rather than hidden. Do not judge me, write me off as someone who is a delinquent, someone who is just trying to rebel. Maybe I am, just a little, but why not shatter the status quo to make way for a brighter future with less judgement? I'm a quad major and I will not be defined by the blue in my hair.

What do you think about the social stigma around hair dyed unnatural colors and piercings? ...Read more...

A Plethora of Words

Studying for the GRE, or any standardized test really is annoying, especially if you don't enjoy memorizing long lists of words, or chemistry facts, or even special dates of history. As fanciful as it would be to roll in a bed of flashcards-- I decided to save some trees and not make 3500 flash cards. However, I learn best when I write things down, and you know what the say about studying-- speak it, write it, say it. This leads me to my current quest at hand. I am making a spreadsheet of all the words that I need to know.

Hopefully, I won't die, nor will my fingers fall off. That would be awful-- how would I ever knit or crochet again? ...Read more...

One of Those Nights... Mornings.

As I sit on my bed, trying in vain to concentrate enough to study for the GRE that I'll need to take in my impending future, I realize that I'm more prone to fits of art and creative writing when I'm upset or unusually contemplative. I guess the creative process is just better at existing and twisting itself around my brain when I'm unhappy. Escapism of a sort I suppose. 

Have you ever had one of those nights where you have little shocking realizations that you unknowingly let yourself forget? And all at once, you're plagued with thoughts of your own mortality, and the inescapable desire to make a difference. To be remembered. And a crippling fear of facing the morning, because then you have to confront life.

And you try to forget, to do something else so that you wouldn't feel so upset. Not really sad, or anything particularly angsty--just the desire to run.

I wrote tonight. A little poem called the Midnight Symphony. I listened to sad songs, and thought about my past, reminiscing, and then I drew. I drew and drew. And then I was better.

I've never been good at coping mechanisms. But this is one of the better ones I have I think.

It's a shame though, that I'm not prone to art on a regular basis (yes I did just make art a verb), because I think I could really enjoy being a studio artist-- if I were better at it, that is. ^_^ ...Read more...

I Don't Want to Be a Sellout...

But even as I type this, I sort of feel like one.

Amazing how 24000 pixels, one little Adsense ad can make someone feel like they've sold out. Even to imaginary readers. I'm sorry dear imaginary readers, if I have disappointed you in my endeavor. Perhaps I will take it down myself out of shame eventually. This I cannot know because the future is uncertain.

I will however continue to to do what I'm doing. Which is write things. Mostly in the wee hours of the morning. Sometimes in the afternoon, but always aiming to make these words mean something.

I suppose I should get to the meaning of what I envisioned this blog as in its earlier days. Before I got this account. When it was only a mind seed. (That sounds so incredibly cheesy that I'm going to leave it.). Reading too Deeply Into Everything was first intended to be a place where I could write little fake essays on books where I could let the magic of humanities and reading way too deeply between the lines grow and blossom. And I fully intend it to be that way. Once I decide on the proper first piece.

Dear Imaginary readers. I also realize that my tags never really make much sense, nor are they very helpful. I'm sorry for that as well. <3 ...Read more...

On the Nature of Adulthood and Replacing Water Filters

Yesterday, as I drove around town with a friend, letting summer slip through my fingers in a combination of idle chatter and ineffectiveness I eventually came upon the realization that we were  adults now. As inane as that sounds, to me it was significant-- we had clawed our way through mandatory education and had finished our first year of college. As much as all of our middle and high school teachers always lectured that we would have to shape up in college and actually study, actually try, and stop waiting till the last minute to finish our assignments by the skin of our teeth, I didn't feel like anything had actually changed.

Maybe it was the high school I went to, but all that really happened over the years was that I refined my procrastination technique. And as much as I am jealous of others' ability to actually manage their time and be effective (perhaps even super effective?), I never felt more alive as when I had stayed up for three days straight to cram for my Organic Chemistry exam and finish 3 final papers.  It was a badge of pride to get sleep in my high school, but more than that, it was a badge of pride to be able to crank out a paper for Brit Lit in 4 hours, or to finish 12 lab reports for the Chemistry lab book check that was due the next day. I take pride in the ability to pump out a paper or cram the night before, but on some level, as I look at the B on my transcript, I know I could have done better if I didn't procrastinate.

So what really changes in the course of being an adult? What makes 18 such a significant age that we're considered adults by technicality? I don't really feel like an adult. And I know that a lot of people older than me wouldn't consider 18 as really being an adult either.

According to some it's the existence of a monthly bill. I don't think it's that cut and dry. Sometimes I realize that I'm growing up when I replace the water filter instead of letting someone else do it. Taking simple little responsibilities instead of waiting for someone else to do it for you. But maybe I'm mistaking adulthood for maturity... Then again are they really mutually exclusive? ...Read more...

First Posts are Always Awkward

I've pretty much decided that. In my head the first post of every blog is filled with all sorts of pressure. You want to be good at what you do, but what should you blog about? It's like suddenly being asked to define everything that you are or want to be in one little wall of text. Or perhaps not a wall of text, because that always ends up being way too long and boring. Tl;dr and whatnot.

Then again, you could always end up posting it and then deleting it later when you've figured it all out. But that feels dishonest to me. Like you're ashamed and hiding it for some reason.

Maybe I'm putting too much pressure onto first posts.

...
...
...

Well, in the words of Albus Dumbledore: "Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!"

...also llama. That's not a bad way to start a blog right? ...Read more...