It's nights where everything is too quiet, but you're not sleepy yet. Times where you run out of things on the internet to check out, when your thoughts start to creep up on you. Sometimes on nights like this, I realize just how few people I really talk to lately, despite the fact that they are my friends. Then I think about how, if this is growing up, growing apart, then I don't really want to do it.
Sometimes on nights like this, I like to try and picture our futures. Most of the time I can't. I can't see myself having a steady job, and a house and a family. Can't see myself in the normal roles of adulthood. And it throws me off sometimes. Because if everyone ends up where they aim to go, my friends would be running programming firms, or working in bio labs and partying the nights away in fabulous gay clubs, or maybe writing books and being a literary editor. My best friends would be writing books or maybe fashion articles, and living in Spain or Paris, crafting the days away and living as a criminal profiler, and maybe I'd be working in a lab with dyed hair, discovering things about nanotechnology. Exes would be professional gamers and world renowned bowlers. And no one would have to worry about money, ever because that's what happens in cotton candy perfect fantasy worlds right?
The future is always incredibly up in the air, and what you make of it and all that rot, but what does it have in store really? Will I live near the people I love, maybe close enough to my best friends that we can have each other over for drinks when life gets to be too much? Maybe. I'd like to think that anyway. It would be wicked if we could, because I don't think I can handle the thought of a future where I'm incredibly isolated from everyone, friendships falling away from me one at a time because I didn't take the time to maintain them.
I hope I'm not the only one who feels lost when it comes to the future.
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